Forgive this crazy ramble but I need to let some stuff go. So I’m learning as I get older that “friend” is a term you use more loosely as  an adult then we ever did as a kids. Facebook friends, Instagram friends, Blogging friends…. most of these people we’ve never met or haven’t seen since highschool or are friends of friends of friends & what does that mean exactly? When we are younger a friend was one of like maybe five people you would tell your darkest secrets, depended on in “hard” times,(in no way do I belittle the situations we go through as children but a majority of us don’t know what real hard times are yet), and ran to to tell every important moment to. Now I realize as I troll through Facebook and yes I said troll because honestly that’s what a lot of us do, that I am comparing myself to everyone in my Facebook family. Friend A is such a better mom than me, look at her crafting, baking from scratch and staying home with her beautiful kids. I’m so jealous! Look at Friend B having an amazing career, traveling to all these places and basically kicking ass at life. I’m so jealous! Why do we do this? We have no idea what is actually going on in these people’s lives, most of the time. We are all given a blessing to live the lives we have but we are also in control of what we let people see. Let’s be upfront now a majority of us want to post the perfect moments, not the messy crazy moments in our lives. When I post those crazy moments I’m always worried about the judgement police, even on my good moments I look at my baseboards, looking for dirty dishes, shoes out of place so I can fix them before I post pics or describe my day. But that’s not really my life, my life is crazy, chaotic and absolutely made for me. I have realized in the past few weeks that social media has taken on a way bigger role in my life than it should and when I do go back that friend list is going to narrow greatly and honesty is what your getting from me. I want to be unguarded around my actual friends & I don’t want that worry to be there because the people that have blessed my life know the real me. It will also play less of role in my life. It’s insane that the amount of time I let it take from my family. I’m going through a crazy journey with my faith and the more I dig through to find myself the more I see what is blocking my path. I won’t give up social media completely because I love to stay in touch with distant family annd the amazing friends I do love having in my life. I’m here but that means here, PRESENT in my life, in my husbands life, my kids lives and my walk with God.