Let me start this journey off by saying being a mom is the best job in the world!  Being a “good” mom isn’t always easy, fun or all sparkles & kisses but in all its glory it teaches you how to be a better person in spite of yourself. When I look back at the start of my mom journey, I see lots of: TV dinners, cartoons, dirty laundry and past due bills. My daughter however remembers: themed movie nights, our monthly breakfasts at Denny’s (total splurge) and her head long dive into the love of books. I started this mom thing as a single mom for over three years. I made mistakes but I wouldn’t change a single moment in our lives. I was twenty and completely oblivious of what being a mom meant but I knew I couldn’t let her down. I went to college full time, worked full time and spent every moment I could with this crazy princess that I lived with. Did we have a lot? No. Did we go ALOT of places? Absolutely. We journeyed through books, we visited many countries through my journey to learn to cook and she went with me through every dark whole I fell in. I’m not proud of the darkness, it just kinda sneaks up on me. Meds, no meds it’s all up to me to push through. The princess never witnessed the worst but the bad couldn’t have been easy either. Even now she can just tell when a day is not going to be a “me” day and she pushes me. BiPolar?!?! Why me? It’s hereditary, it happens and you just learn to live. It doesn’t define me, it may try to hold me back but I can kick some serious ass when I need to. I met my husband when my daughter was three and after a quick courtship we had a son and a new marriage. Coping with a new path was as hard as it was rewarding for both of us. We survived for a while with him ignoring my “crazy” days and me ignoring his lack of knowledge on the situation and no empathy. When our son was five we divorced and the kids & I started all over again. During our marriage I tried medication to save myself from loosing my husband, my kids and my sanity. In the process I became a shell of my former self and just fell into the darkness, gladly. The divorce was crushing, moving back to my parents a blow to my dignity and I let my kids down, my rock bottom. I found a new job, bought a home and the kids I moved on. I finally found a way to stop the meds and teach myself to see the signs. Through growth spiritually and mentally I am better person and the mom I knew I could be. My ex husband and I decided to try us again and we remarried this past year. There are times when the darkness finds me but now I know it doesn’t have to consume me. I know being out there, involving myself in my kids and putting my faith & family first I can accomplish whatever I put this BiPolar mind to. So that’s me and like always: I Promise I Won’t Loose it, well I’ll try anyways.

💗Tiffany

Advertisements